How often do you voluntarily change your password?
When did you last change you bank?
When did you last change your utilities provider?
We tend not to do these things unless we are forced to because they involve change and we have a natural tendency to keep things the way that they are. We know and understand the way things are today so changing things involves risk and we prefer to avoid risks. We know that changes are frequently unsuccessful. Indeed, studies have shown that 70% of change initiatives never reached their stated goals.
The mere mention of the word "change" may cause some to feel uneasy. We often find ourselves resisting change, because of the perceived risk or fear associated with it. Behavioural change is rarely a discrete or single event; however, we tend to view it that way. More often than not, successful behavioural change occurs gradually, over time.
Changing our behaviour is one of the hardest things that we have to do. Whether the change involves diet, exercise, habits or dependencies, it is not an easy thing to do. This has been studies for many years and so is very well understood. There are a number of reasons why it is difficult.
Why is Change Difficult?
We are motivated to change by negative emotions. Too often we start by feeling regret, shame, fear or guilt and this makes us want to change. However, this is not the best motivator. We need to have positive reasons to change if we want to be successful. Just thinking that we are unfit will not induce us to get fitter; wanting to coach our child’s sports team is a positive reason to get fitter and much more likely to lead to success.
We try to do too much. Changing our behaviour is a big thing and doing making a huge change is very difficult. It is much better to make small changes over a long period of time than big changes quickly. You cannot go from never going to the gym to going every night and expecting to do this. Much better to try to go one night per week for a few months and then add a second night.
All or nothing thinking. We start by thinking that we need to make the change and that if we fail, it is because we cannot do it. Just because we missed a session in the gym, we are not a failure and we should not just give up.
We neglect all of the information that we need. If we need to do a job, the need the right tools to do it. To make a change, we need to know how to go about doing it. To get fitter, we need to understand the right exercises to take and they way that our body will respond. It will take some time for our workouts to take effect and we need to understand that.
We try to change too much. Imagine starting to go to the gym, changing your diet and your fashion sense all at the same time. This is just too much. We should aim to change one thing at a time if we want to have a chance of success.
We underestimate the process. The emotional cycle of change will inevitably start with optimism, fall into pessimism as the going gets tough before emerging into optimism again when we start to be successful. This is discussed more below. Too many people will give up during the difficult middle period because they failed to understand what they needed to do.
We forget that failure is usually a given. Most change initiatives fail. We should not think that just because we did not reach our goals that we have failed. We will have changed many things and if we can keep going, we have more of a chance of succeeding.
We do not make a commitment. We need to set a target and know what we want to accomplish and why. Setting out to get fitter is not a commitment. We need to commit to being able to run a certain distance in a certain time by a certain date. This gives us a target to aim for and a greater chance of being successful.
The Emotional Cycle of Change
When we try to make a change, our emotions will vary over the period of change, from optimism, to pessimism and, if we keep going, back to optimism. This is one of the reasons why change is so difficult. Almost as soon as we start, our initial optimism starts to wane. We realise that the process is going to be difficult and we don’t see a lot of results for our effort.
At some point, when we continue to change but still see little progress, we enter the Valley of Despair and this is when many people will give up. They are not seeing results that correspond with their efforts. This is why your plan and roadmap are so important. You need to understand how and when you will start to see results. If you can keep going, pushing beyond the Valley of Despair and stick to your plan, then you can start to see results and you can successfully make the change.